“I let you see what I was, even my darkest parts, and in small touches, you repaired me. And now, in your sleep, you talk about secrets you never told me. Tell me you’ve had enough … I’m sorry, I don’t know where it came from, I thought we were fine. Your thoughts are agitated, but we have everything and it’s only in your head. ”- PINK
Couple relationships are complex for everyone. But if one adds a dose of anxiety and one who thinks too much into the picture, the complexity is only exacerbated.
Moments of doubt and confusion. Problems that we create from scratch and that don’t really exist.
Thinking too much can really destroy a couple. But anxious people can’t help it, it’s stronger than them. They can only hope and pray to meet someone who understands them and can work with them on this anxiety that ruins their lives.
You have to understand that their mind is playing tricks on them.
You have to understand that they are attentive to everything they are told. They are attentive to each look, each gesture, each word. They grasp the smallest of things, the one that no one else notices.
But they analyze, reflect, turn and turn around in their heads, imagining problems that are not real.
To put it simply, anxiety works much like warning you of something negative that could happen. It is precisely these “what ifs” and these “maybe” that complicate many things.
This fear, this anxiety of seeing a potentiality turning into reality can paralyze anxious people.
You have to reassure them, comfort them and tell them that everything will be fine.
Whether something happened or not, tell them everything is fine. Let them know you care about them. Let them know you are there for them. I know, it may sound silly, but it is extremely important in the eyes of those who suffer from anxiety.
A simple question left unanswered (even if for you said the question did not call for an answer) can throw anxious people into trouble. Because it can make them imagine that they did something wrong.
At the start of a relationship, an anxious person worries about everything, even the smallest thing. She is extremely careful. But the more she will trust you and become attached to you, the more the anxiety will dissipate.
You have to be full of certainties because they have none.
Anxious people are completely undecided. They spend their time asking others what they think, what they want, what could make them happy, etc.
It is not that they are completely dependent or incapable of facing the world alone, but that they have often dated people who have made them lose confidence in them.
Understand that nothing is their fault. They are like that.
You have to be able to read them, to guess them.
If they only answer you with a monosyllabic phrase, something is wrong. When they tell you “it’s okay”, chances are it’s a lie.
If they are constantly looking at their phone screen, they are probably waiting for a response. If they drive too fast, it’s probably for fear of being late.
If during a party, you find them alone, standing, fiddling with their fingers, it is probably that being there anguishes them, despite their efforts to remain calm.
Anyone anxious with small tics that belong only to him. Tics they may not even be aware of. Know how to spot them. Know how to spot every little gesture. Know how to spot every little defect.
And also learn to love them and to love all these things they are fighting against.
You have to rely on communication because it is essential.
Their minds are still wandering, they are busy imagining all possible scenarios. Talking is essential. Discussing and solving a problem is essential. Above all, we must not let them rehash things.
Remember that each of the difficulties you face is twice as painful for them. Also, understand that they always want twice as much. Let them always think they are responsible for everything.
Anxious people are harder on themselves than anyone else. They internalize a lot and take everything personally.
They worry about everything. They worry about saying and doing the right thing at the right time. They worry about their ability to make others happy and it is also the main idea that guides them.
If you understand that their fears and worries arise from their desire to do the right thing and to love you properly, it will also help you understand what is going on for someone anxious.
You have to learn to speak to them when they are worried.
You have to understand that there are certain things for which you cannot do anything. Moments when all you can do is listen to them and weather the storm by their side.
Moments when you will see them collapse and you will find no words to comfort and help them. Times when all you can do is be there and let them know they’re not alone.
You have to love them for what they are
Anxious people will always find it difficult to truly love and accept themselves as they are. And understandably, how can we accept something that only hurts us?
And as a partner, your task is to love them in these moments, in those moments when they no longer love each other…
Your task is to have certainties when they no longer have them. Your task is to hold them tight when their world collapses. Your task is to not think too much, or think too much about it:
The messages in a row. The calls. Excuses. The questions. The explanations. Doubts. Depressions, etc.
But beyond all, that and all this anxiety is a heart filled with love. Someone who will accept every part of you. Someone who will love you unconditionally.
You just have to be honest and you will have a loving partner who will never stop proving it to you.